u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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