So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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