So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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