Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
