3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I need water and some morals
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
