shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize