i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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