I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize