Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
