you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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