Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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