She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
