if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
