she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
