I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
