I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
whose ass print is on the piano?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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