why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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