I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
