you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I had to cum in my sink.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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