Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
