perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
