If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
