I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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