i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
