you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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