your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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