Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
