u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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