his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
