My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
