you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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