she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
