people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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