I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
