Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
