I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
