are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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