He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
