if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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