hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
