Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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