u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
