Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
