shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
