According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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