remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
