woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
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