...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Randomize
