I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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