Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize