He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i drank out of a bidet.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
