giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
