I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
