Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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