Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
