He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize