He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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