i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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