sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
