So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
