I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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