I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
