didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
